Vexillology

Petard------> A small bomb. Hello everyone. You may think I've got a loose screw in my brain, but I've picked up dancing and vocal lessons. It's the kind of thing that mom asks out of nowhere one day"You wanna go for singing and dancing lessons?" and being the sometimes blur me, I say yes la. And I had my first lesson today, and I was so nervous, coz I'm always nervous around beautiful people haha...

Here's something that came across my mind earlier. See yesterday I watched my first episode of "House" on AXN and I've gotta admit, other than House's sarcasm, he talks about hard stuff in the end that applies to us all. Like in this case, he states(and scolds i think) that the doctor under him, Cuddy, is looking at the world not the way it should be. It's not that she's being naive, he tells her that she sees stuff the way it is, and how it's supposed to be. But she doesn't see the big gap of darkness in between. So this kinda gave me a new sense of awareness of being naive and all. So I have learnt that being naive is not just about not knowing anything... It's knowing something as it is, but not knowing about what it is really like and how it can be when you're naive. Savvy?

Ok here's the reason I didn't update in the weekend. On Sunday, I went with my Moral Project Group to Rumah Hope to entertain kids for charity and have lunch with them. This was my first REAL charity project, so I was a bit mentally unprepared on what I was gonna see, like expecting real timid and closed or mentally disturbed kids. Boy was I wrong. Anyway at about nine, I fetched Shereen and Alishia and the three of us went shopping for games and prizes to play with the kids over there. So we got there about 11 or 12, and to my surprise, the kids greeted like we were old friends, you know like when you've played football with kids for a long time and you see them again on the street and they go "HHHIIIII" like they're really wanting to see you, it kind of gave me that feeling that we anybody could blend in easily and talk to them nicely without any real persuasion. So after lunch, everyone was pretty much all over the place, and it was SO HARD to get them to line up haha... In the end we gave up, and just talked to them and played whatever they liked instead of what we planned haha... All that preparation for nothing... Now here's the interesting part. Although I didn't talk to all of them, there was a lot of open-mindedness among most of the kids... See the place was a Christian home, so they were calling us "Brother" which made me feel a little more at home you know...

Then one of the slightly older kids, James, came up to me and asked me

"Hey brother, do you believe in God or Buddha?" So I told him:

"Neither, I know they're there, just that I don't worship them"

You know that sort of made me think, does being abuse or neglected really put a lot of dependence on religion? I'm an aegnostic myself, and it's touching to see these kids be good people because of their worship to God, unlike some fanatic people who discriminate everyone else... It's nice to see that these people have the look of hope in their eyes because of religion...

There was something else I noticed too, it's that there was a HUGE difference in behaviour between races... The Indians were so nice and welcoming, in the sense that they had actual conversations with us and cared about what we think... But there were old enough Chinese kids who were either so self-obsessed or obsessed in whatever they were doing, that there was virtually no way to talk to them... You can't connect with them, especially when there was this kid who kept shaking his Digimon... I can't believe that those things still exist. Maybe they were just shy, I don't know, but still they were so obsessed that they didn't even wanna play the games with us.

Right, we're done with what I've been doing, now what I'm thinking. I've been wee bit down lately, and I've sort of found out why. Ever had the feeling that you think that you've found a good enough friend that appreciates you and understands you, but when something happens it just offends you so much that you feel hurt and unable to speak and reach out to people? Yeah I felt that, I thought that I finally had a friend that i could stick to and talk to, even if he's the most annoying guy in the world, he's still my best buddy, and sometimes last week, he just... Left me out in the cold. And once again I was alone, stuck, and for the rest of the exam i've been thinking and feeling... Lonely again. It's amazing. I've never been this down.

That's pretty much it. Something else has happened too, I just can't remember what. See you guys around.