Caitiff

Ensorcelled -------> Bewitched. 06/06/06 passed yesterday. How did you celebrate? Anyway, something just happened. Bad enough to change my mood from good to bad and good enough to enlighten me on college.

I'm gonna talk about two things. Firstly, I just realised that the only person in the whole wide world who would irritate me the most, and change my mood the most would be my mom. You see, I've always wondered what I was missing this year, something to fill the void in my heart and thoughts, now that I'm in college and all. Lots of friends, lots of work, but among all that I see what I am missing and not having, and it's definitely not a girlfriend. I lack a purpose this year, something to achieve and pursue in order to know what I want to do next year. I just had a long talk with my mom about what I do in college, and I realise that what I'm doing is almost a total waste of time. It works like this. See when you see a situation, the best way to look at it is from a third person's point of view so that everything's clearer. Well, so far my mom has been really watching me, and apprently I'm not doing very well. In fact, like once my brother once said, my timings are like my dad, i.e. leaving the house before dawn breaks and coming home about dinner time, if not the late evenings. So what have I been doing in college using 10 hours of my daily life? Hmmm... Well other than studies and play, my life has been a total blank. Nothing at all. My mom asked me just now about what I do during free periods and since I'm on a foosball ban, I tell her I talk to my friends, which I realise is a total waste of time. Then I start comparing myself to people who I know that actually GO to the library, and I realised also that they have the most interesting books on our college syllabus, especially answers for our assignments! It' alo true that 6 months have passed, half of AUSMAT course is over, so what would I do for the remaining 4 months or so other than study? Play some more? I don't think so.

This relates to my second topic which I wanna talk about. Is college life but an illusion? It's no doubt that college is always fun with friends and funny teachers and new stuff that I learn almost everyday, but after a bit of thinking you realise that college life is but a preview of university life, where there are no boundaries, no curfews, everything's on your own... Well not yet, for my case. I have just realised that other than the studying style, university life is NOTHING like college life. Let's see what I would do in my free time this year other than study... Foos, talk to friends I hardly talk to, think of what to do for the weekend. Nothing productive at all. BY right, I should be doing stuff my age, like thinking about how to arrange my room, or what would the accomodation in Australia would be like if I go there next year... What course I would be doing next year maybe, and all that stuff. And ironically, the person who knows most about this stuff is the person I hate to talk to the most : My mom. Everytime I talk to her properly either I get into a really bad mood or I can't think straight. I realise too, that my dad and brother are facing the same problem, but I'm trying to understand what is wrong with my ego or knowledge about talking to women that is preventing me from discriminating my mom as the last resort of whatever I'm doing. Strange, but true. I hope your'e with me so far, don't be surprised if you're lost already. Anyway, I also realised that college is not only made of the classrooms, student center, cafeteria, foyer and MUSA. I've to explore places that I've never seen before, like the library or the Melbourne Uni brochures. Get what I mean?

Anyway I was very very heartbroken when I wrote this post, hoep I can do something useful this 4 months onward.