Depressed...

Hey there burning the midnight oil for History test next Thursday, waiting for football to start... Hope liverpool beats Chelsea tonight, after losing 3 times to them this season already... Oh well. That's not the point. In this blog I'm gonna make everything official.

A week or so ago i asked .....e to be my girlfriend. (Hope no one recognises the name, but just to confirm for those guys who know) Seems I got turned down quite heavily. Didn't know she had a boyfriend already either. Man did Tristen screw me hard. Yes, Tristen. I'm quite upset now, but then I wasn't coz I was expecing this kinda answer. Guess even the strongest of walls have cracks. I crumbled earlier today, unfortunately no one was there to hear me so I got sosososososo stressed out... Feel so bad now, nearly screamed at Shern today... So sorry Shern... Seems that I've complained quite a lot already. Listening to my compiled list of David Benoit jazz songs.

Recently this girl, T asked for my number. She seemed lke a nice girl, and her timing was "perfect" as I started to become friends with her nearly before I asked .....e. I was, indeed quite interested in T when I saw her perform for Open Day, but I never got to know her better coz, I dunno I was still hooked on to .....e I guess... Now I'm still friends with her (I guess) after the fiaso that happened earlier... See last weekend she was away, so she passed her phone to her cousin... So of course I talked to T's 14 year-old cousin who I have never met... And out of nowhere she asked me whether I liked T. At that moment I panicked. I knew that I was still cleaning up the pieces from .....e, but it's like I had sudden urge to know T more, maybe it's puppy love I don' know. But after the weekend I was insane about T. Sounds not right, but I was over the moon. Just earlier under my uncontrollable emotions, and being the naive me, thinking that I always had a chance(since she asked for my number haha), DUH she turned me down... Now I'm really heart-broken.

Now I feel wronged to myself, .....e and T. I wronged T coz I caused her unnnecessary panic... Seems that she was damn panicked when I asked her. I...I... :'( Nvm I felt like I wronged myself coz it's like wrong to fall in 'love' with someone straight after a heart-break... Sounds bad huh? Well you know what, I waited for .....e through her first bf, and now Tristen?!?!? Good luck to the both of them. I'm just here, still alone.... You know I had just hung up the phone with one of my closest friends, she said I deserved someone better... Hard to believe though. Seems that I have crushes too easily. Man.... And this song I'm listening to isn't helping much either. Just got to wait and find the perfect girl... Maybe I'm gonna go for a second shot. So whoever that reads this Shhh la. I trust you. Enough to not reveal their names.

You know some people have asked me why I would like to have a girlfriend... Some people think that I make it look like a necessity. Well I can live without one. Just that it's nice to fall in love with someone... The feeling that makes you wanna know more, and it sorta makes you look at life a whole lot better. You know it's like I always wanna know how she feels... And up to this point, I have been rejected, loved, lost, suceeded in puppy love, loved for the first time, manipulated, used, lost, and used again for some reason.... Then confronted, loved, and rejected again.... Seems complicated, but when you think about it, it's kinda normal... Ironically the relationships that I had was probably the most "perfect" one, which I had almost totally commited my soul into doing... Although I did not lose time, family and friends, I had lost all sense of awareness... It's like when I was with my ex, it's like I'm in a room with just the 2 of us... nothin else. It's a wonderful thing sometimes... Of course I make it look like a drug also. Seems like love is he only way for temporary happiness for me. I doubt that. I don't think I'm afraid of getting hurt, I mean 'no pain, no gain' rite?

Sorry if I'm moping about how I feel too much. Let's see what did I do today? Went to school, life's normal I guess... Although our class got 2nd for the inter-class skid thing, CONGRATS GUYS!!! Oh well nothing new really, tomorrow's the New South Wales test for Science... Good luck to those ppl taking it. T is takiing it too. Oh yah our mid year exams were BROUGHT FORWARD TO NEXT WEEK ARGH?!?!?!?! I mean it's already bad enough we just finished getting our marks back, but now we have another 2 weeks to cover f4 and f5... OMG... My mom says that it's good training for SPM... Haha... Oh well... Hmm let's see oh yah came home got really really stressed out dunno why... Went up to Mayang Mas up the hillto eat Indian... Yum... Had a portion of mpm's mee mamak too. Came home and I was like Zzzz..... Haha

I think that's it for today la. Still waiting for the rain to stop, hope it stops b4 the match starts... I'll keep updating...