Boondoggle

Litophone-----> An instrument made of stone. I'm learning to be more opportunistic nowadays. Hence, one week holiday == more chances to blog.

I like posting. Makes me feel better after I post, like I shared something about myself with other people. Sharing is caring. Which brings me to my next topic =)

I'm generally (or at least self-claimed) an "it's the thought that counts" person. Sometimes a friendly "are you alright?" comment could really make my day. I suppose I'm the passive attention-freak that requires a little bit of 'How are you" now and then. Sometimes I feel bad in situations that I don't feel "needed" but I silently listen into the conversation, laughing along while consoling myself to wait, and think about how other people are feeling, it just doesn't feel right, you know. It's been working that way for me for the last few years now, sacrificing my own attention needs for other people's respect and appreciation for listening. Last night I was hurt, not intentionally but in the sense that, i suppose, expressing concern isn't exactly "being concern" anymore. It's like after a while of asking people "How are you feeling?" They suddenly turn back at you and ask you "Why do you keep asking that?" and it just doesn't sound right, for you to be concern and people think that you're kepoh-ing around. It also hurts when you have no idea how other people feel in their situations, and you just are able to "help" by "just being there" doesn't really convince you that you're doing enough. It's frustrating you know, sitting there not knowing what to do because WHAT YOU KNOW might actually make things worse.

I suppose it takes maturity to understand how things like these work and how to handle them, which is one of the reasons why I'm so missing my parents now. I need confirmed, mature decisions to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Sometimes when you're hanging out with your friends during shopping, you never know what people really know and think about you, because everyone has a "fixed" impression on you, and the minute you do something unpredictable, it hits everyone in the face and you're just stunned there asking yourself "What the fish did I do wrong?"

A mature person is able to commit himself without fear, because he is master of his own person and not a slave to changing circumstances. -Father Thomas Williams, LC

Committing without fear is hard. I'll leave the definition as it is.

On a lighter note, I have a new phone ====> The Nokia 6288 *Hugz*!!! My old Alcatel is still usable however, I'm sending all my good pictures across to the new one via infrared(that's so cool!!!) I got the phone for FREE thanks to 3 Mobile, which so far roxors my soxors.

It's gonna be a lonnnnnnng, long week.

Will post something more cheerful and thoughtful tomorrow. G'nite.