Listening to Tenacious D : Explosivo
Lots of bubbling this song. Anyway, firstly I would like to say that to brief anyone who wants to know about my early 2008-now, it's been a learning experience. I can't say that I've been as low as rock bottom, or as high as Cloud 9, but i can say that I have witnessed my limits, and finally I am humbled, by myself. I used to think that I could handle everything, just take it into stride (even though I don't publicly show that). I thought that I could be the nice guy, the awesome athlete, the good friend as well as the brilliant uni student. I seem to have neglected one big thing over the last year, that probably eventually led to my downfall: My "play" nature. I have no idea how much I love gaming. Doesn't have to be games alone, anything that doesn't involve work, I cherish very very deeply. No matter how much I discipline myself to perform, I always subconsciously use play as my motivation. Lately, however, I have turned that "play" into more of a "leisure" time or "leeway" time, which is basically the limit to which I can accommodate to people. It's like how most people have alone time, I have leeway time. Whenever I plan something, or organise something, I have this habit of giving myself idle time to just loaf around really. It's the best way i achieve stuff, I find, but in the last 12 months, I've been committing myself that whenever I just "chill" people ask me where I've gone and I "postpone" this leeway time of mine. What I didn't realise is that sooner or later I got frusrated with myself, but I never got around to attending to myself, and I get sad or upset for no reason, and i start acting impulsive and hence start pissing people off. Weird huh. The effects started hitting me when my study/chill time clashed with other people's wants and I compromised myself, or rather, my chill time, which at the time was the most logical thing to do. And I eventually got distracted, I took more breaks and eventually broke down in concentration and failed a subject, which I am repeating this semester.
I've been told by many people that I should have a "self-reflection' period where I stare at myself and try and correct/improve myself by coming up with resolutions. As silly as this sounds, I have a very, very short attention span. I can't concentrate for more than half an hour in lectures (I sneak a conversation once in a while with my friends when that happens) I ccan't study alone for more than 2 hours, and it's a wonder to me really, how so many people can just SIT there and think. I give myself the most comfortable setting, my music blaring, drinking a cup of tea, but I just don't find inspiration to do something about myself. What does make me think about myself though, is my friends. Conversation engages me to think, which means that any personal conversation that i have with my close friends I truly, truly cherish. Hence I thank my best friend for being my reflecting opinion/voice recorder of myself for reminding me of things that i promised to myself before. I thank my ex-girlfriend that I still hold dear, for turning me upside down, stretching me to the limit and then telling me everything i've done right or wrong. I thank my parents, for keeping me constantly on my toes, reminding me of what I'm actually here for.
Man United v Inter Milan is in 5 horus. I can't keep still, let alone sleep now. At least i've done some overdue blogging, perhaps now I can rest in peace.
And hope that Manu beat the shit out of Liverpool this Saturday and Jose Mourinho later.
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