Lie - CNBlue

I don’t want this blog to turn into a ranting one. Yet I have so many insecurities right now that I could fill many pages with it. Perhaps it is only fair that I can use this diary as an outlet to my strain, as opposed to people. My mom had dismissed this blog as “Putting your sorrow out there to the world”, in fact I’ve heard many similar views of blogs as sympathy attracting tools, and some have treated that view indifferently, while others think that it’s petty.

 

But that’s not the subject of interest here. I find that I’ve become a lot more introverted since attempting to break into the working world. The temptation to meet people is gradually fading; Things that are meant to be done become a habit rather than a chore. Spending time just LIVING becomes a lifestyle, and can take days away. Whilst adapting to this new lifestyle, I’ve fallen through the trapdoor of falling in love with someone else. And it seems that I’m going to be disappointed yet again.

 

I’m having one of those “black face” days where I don’t wanna see anyone. Except the person that I wanna see most. I feel bad ignoring all the nudges and calls from mom so far. I’m definitely writing an email to her tonight. I owe her one. I split the day between chores and games, and I intend to end it with some nice alcohol while watching the Arsenal v Blackpool game.

 

Because tomorrow will be worse. Or better. Or both. But it shows up anyway.

I’m quite content with my learning curve so far, with most things anyway. Things that am dearly wishing for: A partner in crime that I can trust. Should I go out and find one now, or do I persevere at what I am doing until I get it right? And who will be there to tell me what I’m doing wrong and encourage me for what I’m doing right? Perhaps only life gives you the answers based on the effort you put in. Even Google won’t be able to solve this. Maybe it eventually will, them crazy people coming up with a virtual counsellor/parent that tells you exactly what you’re going through and knows how to make you feel better.

Because I’m bloody upset. And I don’t wanna talk about it. Because no one wants to see me sad anyway.

Thanks for reading. Appreciate it.