Hello, to whatever readers are left. This post isn't particularly about someone, though it might seem so later on, so pls don't judge anyone that might resemble anyone that you might know.
I had a friend that once told me that I was a knight in shining armor, but the armor itself was an iron maiden. Today I look at myself in the mirror, and realise that I don't have to be that way. I can be honest with so many people. I can be spiteful and hateful towards anyone who have done me injustice. For misunderstanding.
I don't know what love is anymore. The only thing left that is apparent, is that it hurts. Regardless of the type of love, whether it's for your lover, or your parents, your friends, or even someone you just met and made friends with, there is a sense of trust that gets betrayed when something doesn't happen the way you expect it. I've been numb to love for a while now. I'm still coming to terms with loving myself, I'm still practising how to love myself for who I am, and not what I've done for people. If I were to strip off all the nice things that I've done for people, all the favors that I never expected returning, and just look at me for what i am, i don't think that anyone would really care or bother about me.
So to whoever is reading this, if I am shunning you or snobbing you one way or another, or at least if you feel that way, please understand that I'm currently in the process with coming to terms with the fact that I have my dignity to restore, that I need to start loving myself again and not live up to other people's expectations, just because I don't have expectations of other people. Thank you, for being my friend. Thank you, for reading and being concerned.
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